She'll raise your consciousness, but lower your score.
War. What is it good for? Videogames, apparently.
Pay it forward. And backward.
You can't spell "sensual" without "SMS."
Dan should've worn his contacts.
Awkward moments from a galaxy far, far away.
This the last thing many voles see.
Shame, he called "bank" so it doesn't count.
She's having her red ring of death.
It's the new world's first Thanksgiving R&B jam.
| Home | Not Home |
Head to the local bar, where most of your senior class still congregates over Thanksgiving. Catch up with old friends, drink beers, and exchange looks over John Fibroni's new rattail. | Head to the local bar and fake indignation that no one remembers you from the high school you didn't actually go to. Explain how you dropped out to get a record deal with your Guns N' Roses coverband, 'Rockin' on Heaven's Door.' Get belligerent. |
| Catch up with an ex for a coffee and turn that coffee into naked coffee. | See a cute girl at the video store and rack your brain for a funny, charming way to ask her out for coffee. Then remember that you rode there on your bike from middle school and leave quietly. |
| Spend some quality time with your parents before meeting up with your buddies for your annual 'Wham Bam Thank You Yam' party. | Spend some quality time with your parents, then play board games with your parents, then watch your mom's favorite movie ('The Lakehouse') with your parents. Then, just when you thought they were going to bed, get stuck in a two hour conversation about finances with your parents. |
I worked at a store in high school as a stocker and cashier. One day, a lady with about ten items came up to the register and I proceeded to ring her up. While I was doing this, she felt the need to tell me her life story and how the courts took her kids away. When I came to the total, she decided she didn't have enough money, and began having me remove one item at a time and retotaling it. I never found out how much money she had to spend, but eventually she worked her way down to two items: a six-pack of beer and toilet paper. She still didn't have enough....guess which one she threw out. No wonder the courts took your kids away. Enjoy your beer and lack of toilet paper.
-Travis, VMI
I'm a middle school teacher and one day in class most of the kids were picking on one student who has a mole on his cheek. The next day, his mother comes in to talk to me as she's picking her son up. The boys mother is about 5 foot 3, about 230 pounds, and has a thick moustache. When I told her I would watch out for her boy, she said thank you and told me she had been made fun of as a kid too. She said she was made fun of for being fat and hairy. As if I needed any more evidence, she pulled down her shirt to reveal a Burt Reynolds type mane of hair on her upper chest. I haven't made eye contact with her in the two months since.
-Anonymous, College of William and Mary
I used to work at a local pet shop a few years back. Lots of cute girls used to pass through since it was near a high school. As an ice breaker for the ladies, I used to have a cockatoo perched up on my shoulder. Little did I know, the little bastard crapped all over my back...it was too late before I found out. I never imagined being cockblocked by a bird.
-Rich, NY
Charlie and Harry are two British children whose mother began filming them in March 2007 because "the boys were being fun, and they provided something really very funny." This video, their first, is a simple interaction between the brothers that takes place in their stroller. With 34 million views and 10,000 subscribers on YouTube alone, the boys have garnered television press and have even created their own t-shirts for fans to purchase.
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It's much better if you imagine each person being very, very serious about their picture.
| Year | Junior |
| School | Southern Methodist University |
I'm not going to say anything here because I don't want to accidentally give away anything away. And if you don't have 7 minutes, you can skip through it and it'll go by much faster.
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Greatest use of Google Maps: Zombie Outbreak Simulator
Extreme Dagobah Tourism Video
I think whoever wrote this is probably Team Jacob.
I've been using the "be average looking" method for quite some time now.
I knew cats were total pervs and this confirms it.
She's flexible and fights giant robots. I'm in love.
This ain't your grandma's Christmas sweater
Victoria's Secret models are just like us. They put on their frilly black thongs one leg at a time.
The Internal Monologue of an Unprepared Marathon Runner
This just set the "Get Americans to Like Soccer" movement ten steps back
Haha, they're failures at love.
Santa's jolliness doesn't translate well online
Cardboard Band Music Video
So, is this a chair for an iPhone or something with volcanoes?
23 Photos of Pure Awesome
Classic Hotlink: The greatest paper ever submitted
Out of all sports, I'd have to say that soccerfootballhockey is my favorite
I don't want to encourage any more Chuck Norris jokes, but this one is in video game form. So...
Look out behind you. That guy shops at the GAP!
Fun fact: Spartans actually prefer Arm & Hammer
Crucial Man is meant to instruct you in all the things you never learned because you were too busy watching Internet videos, like how to shave or how to throw a devastating punch.
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