 | Kevin Corrigan: I'm tired of making resolutions I can't keep. I resolve that I'm absolutely not going to go to the moon unless space travel becomes really affordable or I win a contest. |
 | Amir Blumenfeld: Lose Weight, Managing Debt, Save Money, Get a Better Job, Get Fit, Eat Right, Get a Better Education, Drink Less Alcohol, Quit Smoking, Now Reduce Stress Overall, Reduce Stress at Work, Take a Trip, Volunteer to Help Others, Holiday and New Year Health-e-Cards. Jake: You clearly plagiarized that from a resolutions website. |
 | Jeff Rubin: I resolve to meat new people, I've been getting bored of throwing steaks at the same friends. |
 | Conor McKeon: To finally get over the rough patch in my current relationship, and accept the fact that my girlfriend doesn't want to shave down there. |
 | Jeff Rosenberg: TO STOP MAKING MY GRANDMOTHER TRANSCRIBE ALL OF MY JOKES PERIOD |
 | Dan Gurewitch: I resolve to stop playing God with insects. I'm still going to torture and kill them in cruel and creative ways, but it will no longer be part of a larger plan. |
 | Andrew B: I resolve to drink champagne and watch Ryan Seacrest count down from 10 more than once a year. In other words, become the classiest Ryan Seacrest stalker ever. |
 | Jake Hurwitz: I resolve to be a better actor, stop talking with a gay lisp, not be a sell out, and everything else the commenters ask of me. Thanks so much guys! I take all of your criticism to heart!!! |
 | Sarah Schneider: This year, I resolve to experiment more with my boyfriend. For instance, what happens when you combine radon, boron and tellurium inside a butthole? |
 | Jason Michaels: My New Year's resolution is to stand up for myself. Unless you think that's stupid, then I can think of another one. |
 | Streeter Seidell: I resolve to rely less on technology. Sent from my iPhone |
 | Ricky Van Veen: Harder core pornography. |
 | Steve E: I would like to spend more time with family and friends who have passed away. I f***ing love cemeteries. |
 | Susanna Wolff: 1024 x 768 pixels. Also, buy a new TV. |
by CH Staff
by Susanna Wolff at Columbia
by Kevin Corrigan at Rowan
"ur just jelly cuz ur a ghost and can't tap that"
Amir launches the first aerial attack in the war's four year history.
A funny picture from CollegeHumor
A handy flowchart showing how Thanksgiving night will probably go if you're a college student home from school.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and you know what that means: there's a pretty good chance you're getting dumped this holiday season. Just so you're not caught off guard, here are the emotional stages that you will undoubtedly experience.
The horror... the horror
I can't wait for him to grow hair so I can give him a swirlee.
Recording...
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