Roommate Confessions

Issue 62

by Jeff Rosenberg February 09, 2009

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here!

You know those sex offender notifications we constantly get in the mail? I think I may have accidentally taken one and scanned it with a picture of you on it and all your information on it thanks to Adobe Reader. Afterwards I may or may not have sent it around to all the houses on our block, for several days in a row just to make sure they got it. I wonder why those girls never really warmed up to you? I mean, when they asked me about it I totally vouched for you. But there is just something about "corruption of a minor" and "felony sodomy" that are tough to overcome. Sorry, maybe if your girlfriend wasn't such a b*tch I wouldn't have done it.
Jerry Cuda, Ohio State University

My roommate got a shamwow for his birthday, but he didn't open it right away. The way shamwow is packaged, all of the rags are just placed next to each other in a box. One night I got drunk and peed in the box, the shamowows all held in my pee, like they're supposed to, but when my roommate opened the box, he was pretty pissed.
Brian B., Rowan

Remember how I had 2 beard trimmers? There was the expensive one and then the cheap one that ran on batteries. Remember when my cheap trimmer went missing and I went on and on about how I wondered where it was? I found it in your bathroom cabinet, right behind where you stack your cheap toilet paper. I had a nice trimmer for my own facial experiments and a cheap one for... well, you know. I still use my cheap trimmer even though I continue to let you so sneakily hide it in your bathroom. Now my man hedge is nice and trimmed and your new beard is well groomed. Looks great buddy!
Russ A., UTK

Dear RA Patrick, Nothing has ever brought me greater joy than knocking on your door and running down the hall. Watching you open your door as the trash can filled with piss that was leaned on it tipped into your room flooding the floor with 2 inches of yellow gold from everyone on our floor was the most glorious day ever.
Ben O'Brian, University Of Montana

We've got seven guys in a five bedroom house with only two bathrooms. We all get along really well but there was one prank. Six of the seven of us guys are sharing one bathroom while the dude with mommy and daddy paying for EVERYTHING, has his own bathroom in his huge room all to himself. Nice guy but he would get SUPER PISSED if we ever used his pisser or shower. The dude is gone at class for the day, so me and my other pranksters find two condoms and then buy two economy jugs of mustard from Costco. We double up the condoms and fill the thing up with mustard (I swear it held two liters of mustard). Stretch the neck of the mustard filled condoms over the shower head. You should have seen it. Hanging there in all of it's huge mustardy condom glory. Then we close the shower curtain completely and tie a long loop made of dental floss loosely around the neck of the condom and to one of the rings holding the top of the shower curtain to the rod. He gets home and we're all smiling from ear to ear all night long. Later that evening, he runs out of his room naked and screaming with mustard all over. He was super pissed for a few days but we can finally all laugh about it now. Sorry David.
Joshua Perry, Cabrillo

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