Paranoid Boyfriend

by Josh Rabinowitz on June 30, 2009

Simply roll your mouse over the text to read what the paranoid boyfriend hears.

Isabel greets her boyfriend, Tom, at a lunch restuarant.

Hey Tom, how has your day been?

Hello boyfriend, say things to make me like you more. Make it good.

My bad that I missed your call last night, I fell asleep studying for my exam. You will never guess how many pages I read.

I cheated on you, and you will never guess who with!?

And sorry I'm late. I just got off the phone with my friend Robert from High School.

Fine I'll tell you, it was with Robert from High School.

He's in town for a day and wants to go to a movie tonight. I'd invite you, but he made me promise it would be a High School friend's night out.

I'm only telling you about our movie date just in case you see us there. Now you can't be suspicious.

Tom, relax. It's not like that. We are just friends.

I've touched his penis.

Tom, we have been friends forever!

He took my virginity.

Oh my god, Tom, Robert is gay.

We've done anal.

Sweet! Robert just texted me that Frank is also in town and wants to come to the movie.

Tonight will be the first time I have been Eiffel Towered.

Hi. I'm Justin and I'll be your server.

No way...Justin?

...have I fucked you?

Isabel!? What a coincidence, just the other day I was thinking about High School.

We did fuck! And just the other day I jerked off to you.

I actually just talked to Frank and Robert and we are heading to a movie tonight. Do you want to come?

Foursome?

I'd love to come.

Foursome!

No Tom! I seriously don't think you coming along will work.

Tom that's preposterous. I only have three holes.

I'll give you two some extra time to look at the menu, I'm psyched for the movie.

I'm going to go trim my pubes in preparation for this evening.

Hold on, Tom, Robert is calling me.

I told Robert to call me during lunch so that I can avoid talking to you and thus curb your suspicion.

Well it turns out Robert's actually going to take an early flight home today so I have to go meet him at the movie now. Hopefully, Justin can leave work early.

Robert is really horny and so am I, therefore, we are going to have the orgy now and just deal with the fact that Justin's bush is a bit bigger than we'd like.

Oh my god, Tom, stop being so jealous. I really have to go. I'll see you later tonight, but it actually may be hard to get in touch because my phone is dying.

This will be the last time you see my face until the video of tonight's foursome goes up on youtube, but it actually may be hard to see my face because it will be obscured by Robert's penis and subsequent bukkake.

Goodbye honey.

These have been the worst four months of my life.