Let's face it, you're a busy human being. Between sleeping in and putting it off, you've barely had time to come up with a good Halloween costume this year. Thank God we're here to help. Here are a few quick and easy Halloween costumes that are sure to make people go "oh, that's kind of funny I guess..."!
Sexy Ghost
What you needTips for "selling it"- Make sure to yell "boo" at least once during orgasm
European
What you need- Too-tight T-shirt with stupid pattern on it
- Too-tight jeans
- Hair gel
- Imported beer
- Cigarette
- Scarf
Tips for "selling it"- Scoff at most things people say
- Dance with your hands only, no hips
- Be generally obnoxious and dismissive of American customs
Drunk Uncle
What you need- Filthy dress shirt
- Loose necktie
- Bottle of whiskey
- Red blush for gin blossoms on nose and cheeks (or just rub your face raw all night, you'll probably be too drunk to feel it)
Tips for "selling it"- Hit on younger girls
- Request Billy Ocean songs all night
- Pretend your excessive drinking is "just part of the costume"
Lady Gaga
What you need- A dress
- Random garbage on your face and head
- Literally no other ideas
Tips for "selling it"- Try to make out with boys AND girls
- Keep face covered at all times
- If at all possible, expose buttocks
Freshman
What you need- College hoodie / Sweatpants / Sandals / Hat
- Lanyard
- Books and backpack
- Course schedule and campus map
Tips for "selling it"- Look generally confused and intimidated
- Constantly bring up high school friends
- Ask people to friend you on Facebook
Falcon
What you need- A box large enough to hold your lazy, uncreative body
- No shame
Tips for "selling it"- Play with toys, take a nap
- Be weird. Like, creepy weird
- When people ask about your costume, say you "did it for the show"
Post-Hulk Bruce Banner
What you need- Shirt and pants/shorts that you don't care about
- Scissors
- Bare feet (this one's easy!)
Tips for "selling it"- Act like the events leading up to your current state are a fog.
- Look at hands and scream "What have I done!?"
- Drink only radioactive beverages. Like "Sparks"
Walk Signal
What you need- Black pants
- Black shirt
- Christmas lights
Tips for "selling it"- Stay in "walk" position all night
- Hang out near outlets
- Don't spill beer and electrocute yourself, unless you want to make everyone laugh
Shut In
What you need- Wine-Stained blanket
- Cigarette
- Junk food
- Cat (if available)
Tips for "selling it"- Speak to cat as if cat is person
- Compulsively scratch yourself
- Start crying uncontrollably for no reason
Pyscho
What you need- Cut up shower curtain
- Red paint
- Terrified expression
Tips for "selling it"- Act like you're from an overpraised horror film from 1960
- Get killed off in the first 10 minutes of the party
- Spawn a dozen shitty sequels
Remember, you can win
Cash Money if you submit your
halloween costume to us. But HOW?! Just go
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