The Last Straw: Erin Esurance Loses It

Several years after the Esurance commercials, Erin Esurance finally settled down with her husband, William. The following takes place after William has arrived home from work.

William: Hey, Honey, how was your day?

Erin: What the fuck is this?

William: Whoa, what?

Erin: This bill. Your insurance bill. I found it in your dresser.

William: Oh god… I swear I was going to tell you…

Erin: GEICO I hate that GECKO!

William: Honey, please…

Erin: I trusted you! How could you do this to me?

William: It’s insurance! Calm the hell down! Did you take your pills this morning?

Erin: I don’t need those pills… Mother was right about you!

William: Let me exp-… I’ve never even met your mother!

Erin: And you never will. I killed her.

William: Wha- what the fuck?

Erin: She knew too much.

William: You’ve completely lost it! You sell insurance! You aren’t a spy!

Erin: Stop trying to change the subject! What the hell are you doing with Geico?

William: I shouldn’t have to explain myself t-…

Erin: crying JUST TELL ME!

William: Fine. I just think it’s weird having an insurance card printed out at home, seriously. And when am I ever in a hurry anymore? We live in a townhouse in Illinois. Jesus Christ, woman. Calm down.

Erin: I think we’re through. I’m taking the kids.

William: I figured this would happen. Wait… We don’t have kids! Those commercials went to your head. You need to see a doctor, you have a problem.

Erin: Oh, I have the problem, Mr. Geico Insurance. Esurance is so simple. Just quote, buy, print.

William: It costs more than my insurance now!

Erin: But it’s BETTER! QUOTE. BUY. PRINT. QUOTE. BUY. PRINT. IT’S SO EASY!

William: You know what? You do have a problem. You aren’t a god damned spy. And guess what else? I slept with Laura from Nationwide, you psycho.

gunshot

Erin: Quote, buy, print. Now where did I leave those drugs?