"Holy shit! It is hot down there! Am I—am I actually making people spend eternity in that place? I'm a monster!" -God
"Goddamn, it is cold out here!" -Napoleon Bonaparte
"You know, there's probably some kid who's losing his virginity right now, and I bet he's pretty damn happy." -Lou Gehrig
"Maybe I should just pick a whore and stick with her." -Henry VIII
"I am not doing well. I should probably cut my losses and leave this poker game—hey, two pair!" -Wild Bill Hickok
"Goddamn, it is cold out here!" -Adolf Hitler
"Who am I kidding? This isn't going to start a race war!" -Charles Manson
"I shouldn't have let Bob win at Rock-Paper-Scissors. I totally would be riding shotgun right now." -John F. Kennedy
I Just Spent $200 At Old Navy, Bitch!
Rejected Spin-Offs for Fall 2009
An Open Letter to Burger King
The 10 Most Stupidly Expensive Pieces of Junk on eBay
It's Me, Monday
7 Technology-Friendly Sex Positions
Alright, dudes, I'm Ready for 420
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots
