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Steve Horvath

Complaints From The Guy Who Misses The Big Picture

by Steve Horvath on


  • Every single time I’m done boning my girlfriend, she makes me take a shower. It’s so f*cking annoying!
  • I swear, if I have to make one more trip to the bank to deposit a check, I’m going to straight up murder someone.
  • Why did you guys get so much beer? There’s no WAY all of this can fit into my fridge.
  • These front-row seats are way too close to the stage. I can barely see the video monitors.
  • I have the biggest hangover right now; the drinks were just so inexpensive at the bar last night.
  • Why did my flight have to land 40 minutes early? Now I have to call my buddy to tell him to pick me up right now.
  • I am so exhausted right now. I really need to stop staying up until 4 in the morning having sex.
  • These gold bars that I found laying on the street are just so damn heavy!
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Steve Horvath

Steve Horvath

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Orange Squares

Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More » not have dairy in back home because he had never seen cheese before. Days after that he blows up the microwave by putting a pot of eggs in it. It is at this point that I give up on the guy. After a few weeks I notice his part of the dorm smells like ass so I confront him about it. He then goes on to explain that he has been waiting for the servants to come by for his laundry. Of all the people why did I get this guy? In the three months I lived with him he washed once and never quite understood that we did not have servants and that Americans utilize cows.