- You drive in front of me and don’t go as fast as I want to go.
- You ride your bike in the road when I’m driving.
- You drive your car in the road when I’m riding my bike.
- You do not start accelerating as soon as the light turns green.
- You designed the traffic lights in Iowa City.
- You made a commercial that contains the sound of a siren, alarm clock, and/or cell-phone.
- You are Carlos Mencia.
- You have purchased a Nickelback album.
- You are Nickelback.
- You insulted Bob Dylan.
- You’ve got what I need: A pretty little daughter that we call Mixie.
- You don’t know what #11 is a reference to.
- You complain about bands that “sell out”.
- You voted for George W. Bush.
- You voted for John Kerry.
- You are a vegetarian.
- You think that you are better than me.
- You are better than me.
- You think that your opinion is the only one that matters.
- You don't realize that my opinion is the only one that matters
- You wear a shirt with a lame saying like “Get your tickets to the gun show”.
- You wear a large belt buckle.
- You wear jeans with that are pre-ripped or pre-stained.
- You wear giant sunglasses.
- You wear snow boots with shorts or a skirt.
- You have blonde hair and dark eyebrows.
- You talk in a loud, high-pitched voice.
- You mention Paris Hilton and/or Britney Spears in everyday conversation.
- You are not from the south and display a Confederate flag in some form.
- You are from the south.
- You are racist.
- You are black.
- You are offended by jokes.
- You teach a collegecourse and have no ability to speak understandable English.
- You do not speak English.
- You comment any variation of “first” on the internet.
- You comment about the amount of time you missed "first" by.
- You are fat.
- You are over the age of 30.
- You are under the age of 18.
- You have a lame inspirational quote on your Facebook or Myspace page.
- You brag about how much you drink.
- You don’t drink.
- You eat pickles.
- You like crunchy peanut butter.
- You don't like creamy peanut butter.
- You don’t smoke.
- You smoke when I am trying to quit.
- You shoot up when I am trying to quit.
- You don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
- Your a police officer.
- You just corrected my grammar.
I hereby confess one of darkest, most distasteful sides of my personality: I own and ride a bicycle. I know, it's a tough thing to take. After all, it seems the only good thing bikes contribute …
Computer:Monitor, display this document, ok? Monitor: No prob, boss. Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly? Monitor: Anyth …
Things I Screamed while trying to get my Gardenia Plant to Bloom that I've also said to Guys I've Dated
Why are you so droopy? Come on, pep up! Uh -oh, looking discolored. Looks like someone got too much sun. Oh no, is that supposed to fall off like that? Are you acting this way because it's …
Things I screamed while trying to kill the mice living in my apartment that I have also said to guys I've dated
Me: Hey buddy, ya ready to go for a little drive? The Volve: We'll see Me: What do you mean we'll see? I need to get to the packy before it closes. The Volve: I meant we'll se …
What the fuck guys? Seriously, where were your heads at? You guys are supposed to be my friends, and you let me go and do something like this? Man, I hate you guys. Did you do it just so you coul …