The following statements should not be taken out of context. However, that doesn't mean they can't be.

- I'm very unstable, and likely to explode at random.

- When something gets hard, suck it up.

- There's nothing that turns me on more than a woman who is packing.

- The best part of the movie is when he blasts Snape with his wand.

- I hate fucking dogs.

- When a lot of people are around me, I usually start sucking.

- Yesterday, I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.

- These cookies are too soft, I want a hard one.

- I have to dress my brother up in white.

- I enjoy going down South often.

- Last night, I was confronted by my dad, who came on me like an ocean wave.

- I just Googled my girlfriend and didn't get any results.

- I never get good results when I Google.

- I'm halfway in right now.

- (Referring to a cigar.) I could use something shorter, and a little less harsh next time.

- I suck up often, but I hardly get anything in return.

- (Referring to a pastry). The best part of it is the goo at the end.

- The meatpacking industry is a dirty business.

- My favorite trick is Two Cups, Two Balls, One Hand.

- I had a couple of hot faggots the other night. They were a bit too hot – my ass was sore for days.

- (Referring to tutoring). My daughter only charges $15 per hour.

- There's just something pleasing about the union between my dog and myself that no other animal I've ever had in my life brings.

- I want to see how much poo is in Noah's Ark.

- (Referring to snow). I woke up this morning to 8 inches.

- (Referring to snow). Last night, I was hammered with 8 inches.

- While at bowling last night, my tips came out in the ball return.

- I'm always down to play with anyone who can hold their own.

- We ordered a sausage pizza instead, since us Asians aren't that big on sausage.

- My wife loves my product and refuses to go any other way.

- (Referring to Djarum Blacks). Once you go black, you can never go back.

- I broke my G-string while fingering A minor last night.

- I was sitting in my kayak when all of a sudden, Ernesto started blowing me.

- I never come at the right time.

- I like keeping the grass long.

- Right now, it's up in the air for me.