8:00 Boss calls to let you know work starts at 11:00 because of the huge keggar you attended last night. Also today is sweatshirts and ball caps day and showering is one hundred percent optional.
11:00 Boss hands out Red Bulls and exclaims, “I am hung over, b*tches”.
11:30 The office challenges a rival company to a beer pong tournament with the quarterly earnings as the wager.
12:00 The boss announces that all work assignments can be accessed on the company website. Work attendance will be optional but there will be three meetings per quarter to test our aptitude.
12:30 You go to the vending machine but it only contains Ramen and the work cafeteria only contains items from the McDonald’s dollar menu.
1:00 You judge the office wet t-shirt contest.
1:30 Your boss wants you to burn the first three seasons of “Family Guy” and have it on his desk by 5:00.
2:00 Office meeting to announce all employees must now get at least 10 hours of sleep a day.
3:00 New internet security system blocks all website unless they contain porn or can be used to buy beer bongs or ironic t-shirts. Also the default page alternates between Facebook and MySpace.
3:30 Office meeting to announce that the cleaning crew has been fired and for office cleaning we must rely solely on our girlfriends and wives.
4:00 Boss announces all work assignments will be done thru text-mail.
4:30 You have to dress up in a penis costume and shout at passing traffic for your new hire initiation.
5:00 You and your boss go out for drinks after work and if you can pick up a girl he will give you a promotion. But he stresses that sea-donkies are not allowed.
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Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
