Open Letter to that Cheap Bastard Santa Claus On December 26th

Dear Santa,

You think this is a freakin’ joke, don’t you? The letters I write to you mean nothing? I was a good boy all year and did everything I was asked to do. I stopped downloading music from the internet, and significantly cut down on my stealing from the food drive. And this is the thanks I get?

I wrote to you back in March and specifically asked for the hot new iPod nano. I told you which model and even specified the color. Puce. In April, I get a reply saying that, “if you are a good boy this year, I will do my best at getting you the iPod.”

In the letter sent to you in October of this year, I updated my request as technology progressed and told you I wanted the new one that plays videos and has a picture of Bono on it; the one that cures AIDS or something. Your response was a non-reassuring “no problem.”

So I was rather disappointed yesterday morning when I opened up my presents and did not get my video iPod. Were you intentionally dicking with me all year, or did it just slip your mind?

Nowhere in my letters did I say I wanted a cheap-ass iPod shuffle! Needless to say I was extremely pissed yesterday I opened up my very own Shuffle like I’m living in a freakin’ third world country. Dammit, it doesn’t even have a display let alone the ability to show me 4 hours of U2 benefit concerts?

I hope you are laughing and freezing your ass off up in the North Pole because down here in the real world I’m stuck looking like a douchebag with my welfare iPod Shuffle. You try getting some tail with this shit. Merry Christmas you cheap bastard.

Sincerely

Aaron “I have no idea what song I am listening to” Peever