Eurotrip Guide to Foreign Travel

Summer is a time for college students to explore the world. One of the most popular forms of vacationing include backpacking or some stupid shit like that. For those of you on your way to the crazy world known as Europe, here are some tips for wandering through the vast socialist empire.

• It is extremely easy to become a courier. Simply show up to the airport without a set destination and you will be able to fly for almost nothing, no questions asked.
• Soccer hooligans are extremely easy to get along with. If they ask for their team song, just sing a popular 80’s tune and insert the name of the team somewhere proclaiming their greatness. They will, in turn, give you tons of free liquor and take you to a game in another country.
• European trains are filled with Italian men who will enter your compartment without asking and continually attempt to molest you when going through dark tunnels.
• French nude beaches are filled with perverted foreigners who will gangrape the first woman they see.
  
• When visiting a Dutch bakery, make sure to ask if there is hash in the brownies BEFORE you freak out and rip off your shirt hysterically condemning the Rastafarian bakers.
• Dutch girls will give you blowjobs if you have a really expensive camera.
• The Red Light District is a dangerous place if you do not speak Dutch. Be sure to learn the language well so you do not confuse the safe-word with the pound-me-in-the-ass-with-giant-mechanical-dildos-word. Either way, you will get a free T-shirt.
  
• If you bring 100 American dollars to Slovakia, you can pretty much purchase the entire country.
• Gaining access to the private areas of the Vatican is easy. Simply convince the Swiss guards that your friend is mentally retarded and they will allow you to enter.
• Traveling around Europe to find a girl you have never actually met and professing your love to her in front of thousands of strangers is not at all creepy, and will lead to immediate sex in a confessional.