How To Spot a MySpace Sex Offender

MySpace.com has just announced it will provide information to state attorney generals regarding registered sex offenders, sending a panic through the underground world of online predators. To help you identify which of your MySpace friends may be sex offenders, here’s a quick checklist of things to look for among your friends:

• MySpace Display Names: Here’s a quick and easy way to spot possible sex offenders. Most predators don’t hide their true desires very well; beware of names like IHeartKiddies, WhiteVanDriver, CandyMan, DakotaFanningClub, and WhyDidHaleyJoelOsmentHavetoGrowUp.

• General Interests: This requires detective work worthy of . Look through your friends’ interests for anything fishy like “stalking youngsters” or “meeting really, really young friends.” Remember, if likes are listed as “children” and “porn” but are non-sequential, they’re probably okay.

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  Specific Interests: If your friend lists The Wiggles as a like in either music, television, or live performances, please contact the local authorities as soon as possible as it’s likely they’re either a sex offender or guilty of incredibly bad taste. Either way, they should be locked up immediately.

• Moustaches: Everyone knows few non-sex offenders who aren’t named Magnum P.I. sport moustaches anymore. Look through your friends for any lip fur coats—chances are, these people are sex offenders. The thinner the moustache, the worse the sex offender. Come to think of it, didn’t Magnum’s butler have a pretty thin moustache?