Moose's Great Adventure

Moose: Dude you wouldn’t believe the weekend I just woke up from. It was absolutely legitimate.

Gary: Yeah what went on? I didn’t really see you after your knees bucked trying to carry that keg in on your shoulder
Moose: Hahah, shut up dude you know that kegger DEFINITELY wasn’t light beer. You know what I mean.

Moose gives Chad a ball slap

Chad: Yeah, yeah. So let’s hear about another “Amazing Moose Adventure.”
Moose: Alright, here it is. I was at this drag themed party at my buddy’s crib when out of nowhere this banging ass chick rolls up to me and starts macking it. Now this was like 10 o’clock so I was already probably half a keg in but from what my buddies were telling me this feminita was ripe.

So we get to talking and we end up coming back to her place and I plan on punishing this whore’s cinnamon hole. And on top of it she was in some sorority, TKE or something, I forget, so you know she’s hankering for a spankering.

Chad: Hold up, you said she was in what sorority?
Moose: TKE dude, and I hear they slob on your knob like it’s corn on the cob. So we finally get into her room and I just shift into Moose Gear #2, you know, really accelerating. I’m feelin’ her titties and grabbing her ass an’ shit while I’m making out with her. Then I start to make my way down. Nibbling on her ear lobe, kissing her cheek, sucking on her Adam’s apple, you know, trying to work my way down to Labia City.

Gary: Labia City, Dude what are you talking about?
Moose: Hahah, you wouldn’t know rookie!!!

Moose gives Gary a ball slap

Moose: So I’m about to hit the sweet stuff when she gets all “Mom” on my ass saying she doesn’t want me to ring the front door bell because it’ll wake Grandpa up, but the back door’s open.

So I start whirlpooling her cornhole and the water’s about to run out. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! I’m about to get IN THERE!

I end up doing that for like half an hour and then have a sudden urge to take a dump real quick. I come back 5 minutes later.

When I get back this chick’s sitting on my bed and kneels me down in front of her. At this point I’m so wasted that I can’t even get the Moose Cock revving so I’m ready to do anything to this biatch.

Now this chick was crazy. I guess when I was in the bathroom this whore threw on a strap-on dildo and wanted me to give her head. Hah! It was CRAZY. Now you all know that MOOSE isn’t one to pussy out on something this crazy so I start deep throating that corn dog. You guys should’ve seen THE MOOSE in action. I was a fiend.

Chad: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. TKE is a fraternity. You fingered a dude’s asshole and gave head this weekend.

Moose: Strap on idiot. That doesn’t count. I told you this chick was bonkers.

Gary: Moose, chicks don’t have Adam’s apples

Moose: Hahah, stop messing with me. My aunt-in-law Jamie had one I think. You guys are just jealous because you two probably domed each other up this weekend while watching The Notebook and I’m the only one who gets any real ass around here.

Chad: This is absurd. At least tell us her name?
Moose: I don’t know I was soooooo shitty. Something generic like Alexandra.
Chad: Alex?
Moose: Maybe it was Vicky.
Gary: Vic?
Moose: Actually, I think it was Nikki.
Chad: Nick?
pause
Moose: Louise
Gary: Louie?
Moose: Fuck!