The Inner Monologue of Slimer

So, this is the afterlife. Wierd, when I died I was really hoping to see the pearly gates of Heaven. But here, I am, a green blob and still on Earth for some reason. I guess maybe things could be worse.At least I’m not in Hell. But still, why am I here? I read somewhere once that ghosts are people who have unfinished business they have to take care of before they can pass on to the next life.I just have the urge to eat any and all food that I see. Don’t see how that qualifies as unfinished business. At least I can fly. That’s definitely a plus.

What is this shit I’m covered in? It’s like some weird, green, goo. Aw gross! I leave it on everything I touch! That’s fucking disgusting! No one is going to want to be friends with the dead green slimeball that leaves nasty residue everywhere. Just great.

Maybe this is some sort of punishment for living a bad life? But I don’t think I really did anything wrong. Maybe I was kind of a jerk to Sarah sometimes…oh Christ! I forgot about Sarah. Yup, I’m pretty sure that once she sees me like this she won’t want to be my girlfriend anymore. Damn, being a ghost really sucks in some ways. Hey, I wonder if I can still bang chicks in general. I guess not. That nasty residue would get all over the girl. Come to think of it, I don’t think I even have a penis anymore. Yeah, being a ghost is pretty terrible. Oh well, I’ll try to make the best of this. I can scare the shit out of people. That’s one thing. And…no wait, I think that’s all I’ve got. Sigh. I’m thirsty. You know what I could really go for right now? Green Hi-C juice. That would be amazing right now.