Are you emo? Are you sick and tired of those depressing emo chicks? Looking for someone who doesn't cry everytime you yell your father's name during sex? Well, look no further, you little crybabies! Here are some surefire ways to get talkin' to them ladies, . . . and who knows what a little conversation on how your father never loved you might lead to . . .

-If you think what I am wearing is a great symbolism of the blackness of my soul, check out my "My Little Pony" doll collection. I cut off all the heads myself

-Is that a razor in your pants? Cause I want to cut myself

-Nice shoes. Wanna cross dress and sexually abuse me while I scream "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME, DADDY?!?!?!"

-My magic watch says that I'll be crying while masturbating to a picture of two gay guys humping after I realize I have repressed homosexual feelings because my daddy didn't love me

-Can I buy you a drink? Bartender, make the lady what she wants, and make me a drink that tastes like the emptiness of my soul

-Was your father a baker? Cause I want to kill myself

-(dumps water on girl) Oh my! I'm so sorry, but I can relate with you. I have been drenched by my tears many times

-WHY DIDN'T DADDY LOVE ME?!?!? (sobs)

Now go get 'em tiger! I can sense an awkward hookup and post-hookup
crying session in your future!