Guy: I have always wanted to go hang gliding

One Upper Guy: I went hang gliding in Hawaii last year. It was breath taking

Me: Every year I hang glide out of moving helicopter into some war torn country with only a buck knife wearing nothing but a banana hammock just to see if I can survive.

Guy: I liked the new “Punisher” movie with Rebecca Roman Stamos

One Upper Guy: I have the special edition. It is much better and it has twenty minutes of extra footage and two alternate endings.

Me: I liked the original better it had Dolph Lungdren the guy that played Ivan Draggo who was the Russian boxer in “Rocky 4”. I really enjoy those cheesy 90’s action movies and it is extra hard to find because it’s only on VHS. My production company is working on getting a DVD version out to the general public.

Guy: What ever happened to Tonya Harding?

One Upper Guy: I saw her last week pumping gas

Me: Last week I saw her at the Piggy Wiggly. I paid a clown to distract her while I shattered her kneecap with a sledgehammer. Then me, her, and the clown took a picture together.

Guy: My cousin was grazed in a drive-by shooting last weekend

One Upper Guy: I use to be in gang and got caught in crossfire once and had a bullet go right thru my shoulder. I can show you the scar but it is really small since I heal really really fast.

Me: I shoot myself once a month near my vital organs just to see how fast I can remove the bullets using only a heated pliers. My record is 25 seconds. I would show you the scars but I am so precise in surgery that I never leave scars.

Guy: I just got a 5k raise yesterday

One Upper Guy: I make 150k a year and get to drive the company Mercedes any time I want.

Me: I just won the 270 million dollar Powerball. Tomorrow I am going to buy the companies you guys work for and fire you both.