A Busy Dinner Party. There are five couples. Don and Miranda, Craig and Samantha, Ryan and Veranda, Sanj and Kristina, and lastly Gron and Gristida. Everybody has arrived except for Ryan. They are all sitting to eat dinner.
Gristida: So Veranda, where is Ryan?
Veranda: Oh, he’s running late. He should be here—
Ryan: (arriving) Any second!
(everybody laughs)
Sanj: Ryan! Welcome! Can I get you something to drink?
Ryan: Is your drinking water poisoned? The answer may shock you.
Sanj: Huh? No. It’s not
wait, what?
Veranda: Oh, sorry. Jon is a news promo writer. Sometimes he can’t quite turn it off, isn’t that right, Jon? Turn it off though, right now.
Ryan: Sorry honey. Traffic was bad.
Samantha: (coming in with a big bowl) Who wants Salad!?
Ryan: Do you or does somebody you know have Prostate Cancer? Why doctor say some vegetables in a simple salad can make all the difference. At 11.
Miranda: It's not even 8
Kristina: Okay! (claps) I am starved! Let's eat.
Ryan: Millions of American's are overweight. But is America the most Obese country in the world? Why some Dutch doctors are saying yes.
Veranda: Jon.
Gron: That is enough.
Sanj : (nervous) Does anybody want soup? Kristina made a killer split pea soup.
Ryan: They come in swarms. You’ve heard about them, but how much do you actually know about Africanized Killer Peas.
Samantha: Jon!
Don: That one was a stretch.
Gron: You're a freak.
Jon: They say sticks and stones may break your bones, but find out how one local man has been using names. To hurt me. At 11.
Gron: I’m sorry.
Ryan: No you’re not.
Veranda: We should go.
Ryan: I’ve never felt so insulted in my life.
Sanj: I’m sorry. Lets let’s start over. I feel horribly.
Ryan: Think you know your friends? How a psychopath could be lurking in your social circle. At 11.
Craig: (to Veranda) Is he talking about himself?
Ryan: Don't know how to take a hint? Trouble may be closer then you think. Coming up next.
Sanj: I'm calling the fucking police.
Ryan: A bomb explodes at a local dinner party. Find out why police are calling this one of the most heinous crimes ever committed.
Samantha: (Enters holding a turkey) Honey, why is our main course beeping?
Gron: DUCK!!!!!!
Samantha: It’s turkey.
(House explodes)
More By
Amir Blumenfeld
Why the Oscar NEEDS to go to Daniel Day Lewis
Facepalm: Salmon
Facepalm: Pizza

If Congress Got Stuff Done Like Roommates
The Troll: Mars, Merriam's, and Bacon Dogs
Alright, dudes, I'm Ready for 420
The Best TIME 'Millennials' Cover Parodies
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots