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Lincoln Hawk

Worst TV Shows Ever

by Lincoln Hawk on

“Pirate Master”

This one show where a bunch of idiots dressed up like pirates board apoorly made ship and search for fake treasure. Wait that was “Pirate Master” again.

This one show that was an obvious rip off of survivor. If “Survivor” had been produced by sixth graders. But not normal sixth graders the ones that take special classes and eat glue. Wait that was “Pirate Master” again.

This one show where I heard the phrases “Mutiny”, “Sea-worthy vessel”, “Swab mate” all said throughout the duration of the show with straight faces. Causing me to laugh each time. Wait that was “Pirate Master” yet again.

This one show that was an obvious rip off of a huge blockbuster Disney movie that just had its final movie of the trilogy hit theaters. That new movie also had a plot so confusing that I had to take a LSD hit to follow along. Wait “Pirate Master” once again.

This one show where the only interesting character got voted off on the first episode. Which made me angry. But then I realized it was a horrible show and I would never watch it again unless used as a torture method. Oh wait “Pirate Master” once again. After this realization, I became happy once more and suddenly a rainbow filled with kittens emerged.
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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.