Man vs. Wild meets Survivorman

While filming for their next episode, Les Stroud of “Survivorman” and Bear Grylls of “Man vs. Wild” cross paths in the wilderness of Alaska. Here’s what follows:

Bear: It’s very important to stay as warm and rubbing animal feces on yourself is a good way to do this. Hears Footsteps

Les: Well hey, look who it is. Sh*tface himself,Bear Grylls…

Bear: Oh…Hello Les, get separated from you boy scout troop again. Did Discovery Channel actually give you a 2nd season?

Les: Yes they did. They had no choice. Your roll is to be like the show WildBoyz, I have to be the show that teaches you to survive.

Bear: What, are you jealous that I’m stealing the spotlight?

Les: Yeah, I’m real jealous. I wish I had sh*t on my face and I wish that I used my own piss soaked shirt to keep cool, or drink water from elephant sh*t. COME ON GRYLLS, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!?

Les: Is that so. So normal people jump out of planes when the go camping in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle. Is that it? Normal people have camera crews following them as the go “deep into the jungle”. Normal people choose to eat raw fish or jump into icy water on a glacier when they have a perfectly good fire? Face it, you’re a joke. Your just a pretty face that goes hiking and films it!

Bear: You are jealous. Ratings are up on my show and besides, you couldn’t cut it doing the extreme things I do. I climbed Everest at age 23, I was in the British SAS until I broke my back, and I crossed the frozen North Atlantic in an inflatable boat just to name a few! You on the other hand are just a musician who likes camping!

Les: My music is boss just like my show is relevant. It’s very easy to have to use a broken dirk bike to help you survive in the desert or suffer from rabbit starvation.

Bear: Oh, I forgot you were such a bad ass. I’m out of here. Go play your harmonica and fuck off.

Les: No, please stay. I’m about to do the segment where I teach my viewers how to deal with assbags in the wild.

Bear: Nice joke. You sounded convinced that people actually watch your show! Call me from your stupid satellite phone when you go prime time!…Jackass!

The two go the separate ways and Bear whispers something to the camera

Bear: Now I will show you how shitting on a firelog and pissing on a douchebag’s shirt can drive the douchebag away!