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ND09

If Captain Barbossa Became Your Father

by ND09 on

“Yarrr….I’ve taken me share of the treasure and put it in T-Bills…Somebody needs to be paying for yeer college.”



“There only be one way to win back the Black Pearl ….by refinancing her payment plan. “


“There be no room left in this world for a pirate…or for yeer good for nothing friends that come over late at night…and don’t think I don’t know they’ve been drinking me rum…yeer lucky I don’t call theer parents.”


“Son, I’ve been meanin’ to talk to yee…While I was swabbin’ the deck I found a cigarette butt…Me and the crew aren’t upset; we just be disappointed.”


“Arggg….there not be a better ting in this world than spendin all Sunday watchin’ The Masters from 1998 on ESPN2 and then complaining’ that yee haven’t mowed mee lawn.”

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.