To whatever branch of the government responsible for making more reasons for my arrests, I beg you, PLEASE make the farting game known as "Door Knob" a nationally recognized law.

For all the people who wore glasses or smelled ofurine as children and had no friends to play it with, let me explain the game. Everyone farts, do they not? Fartingaround company without a proper warning can cause serious damage to the senses and even the immunse system, a sort of "airborne AIDS" if you will. This is where the Door Knob comes in play. As soon as the farter lets out said fart, anyone who hears it or feels it (you may feel the tremors sitting on a couch with the farter) yells "DOOR KNOB". The farter must then find the closest door knob and touch it. Until the farter touches the door knob, he is the target of a barrage of punches and even kicks depending on the odor. The only way for the farter to be exempt from such punishment is to say "Safety" directly before the fartis ulodged from the sphincter. If the setting is outdoors and no door knob can be seen, the farter may yell "TELEPHONE POLE". This means that a telephone or other large poles outside may take place of the door knob.

Being a legal adult myself, I feel that adults are missing the joyous activities that as youngsters we enjoyed. I ask you all to remember the game Door Knob. I myself can recall hours of