Race | Pro | Con |
| Whites | Majority rules. | Laaame. |
| Blacks | Hung like horses. | Ask Grandpa, he'll tell you a few. |
| Jews | Cash money. | See: Egypt, Hitler, Arabs, Walt Disney, etc. |
| Indians (Pocohontas) | Casinos. | Relocation, relocation, relocation. |
| Indians (Apu) | Successful in workplace. | Workplace = taxi cabs. |
| Arabs | Very peaceful people. | Nut jobs get all the press. |
| Asians | Efficient and industrious. | Nike found out first. |
| Hispanics | See: women on spanish channel. | Can't see, no TV. |
| Brits | Held reign over much of world. | Not any more, suckas. |
| Aussies | Sweet accent. | As babies, must watch for dingos. |
| Irish | Can outdrink anyone. | Will outdrink everyone. |
| Canadians | Hockey. | Really just the 51st state. |
| Russians | Invented vodka. | …to drink away misery. |
| French | Home of romance. | Romantic pussies don't win wars. |
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