Salomone

If Internet Ads Behaved Like Your Jewish Mother

Make $1000 a day at home!!! – Shirley’s son, Michael – you met him at Ruth’s wedding – well he’s becoming a cardiologist. What have you been doing these last few days?

FrEE viAGrA!!!! – I know, I know, you don’t need it. All I’m saying is, try it. Fine, give it your brother then, what do I know? I’m just an old woman.

Be Debt Free in 1 month!! – Look at all these bills!! This is why I told you to cut out those coupons from Sunday’s paper. You wouldn’t be in this mess if you had just listened to me. You’ve made your father very disappointed.

100% FREE XXX WEBCAMS!!
– Why haven’t you found yourself a nice girl yet? That Laura was really special. Yes, I know, she was interested in Maureen, but still you could have tried harder. Any girl would be lucky to have you. They always tell me how good looking you are.

Samir is a Nigerian infant. You can help feed him with just your credit card number.
– See how thin he is? All skin and bones! He just needs a little nosh. I’m sure your sister would be happy to help. She was always the kind one.

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.