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Jeff Rosenberg

Frat Guy Tries to Explain Frats to His 7th Grade Brother

by Jeff Rosenberg on

Frat Guy: Can’t wait for you to pledge the fraternity.

7th Grader: I don’t really think it’s for me. Thanks anyway man.

Frat Guy: (angrily) What’re you talking about? You’ve gotta pledge. You’re legacy.

7th Grader: I just don’t really get what it’s all about.

Frat Guy: What’s there to get? You party wicked hard and hang with your boys.

7th Grader: Why do I need to be in a frat to do that?

Frat Guy: Fraternity, not frat. Wouldn’t call your country a c*nt would you?

7th Grader: I’d call my country a c*nt. Hey America, you’re a c*nt.

Frat Guy: (yelling to another room) MOM, Patrick said a naughty word… and he’s being unpatriotic.

7th Grader: Whatever. I’m just saying I can hang out with my friends anytime and go out with people I meet at school, that’s all.

Frat Guy: That’s what the fraternity is all about. Brotherhood.

7th Grader: Seems like you guys just hang out with dudes all day.

Frat Guy: That’s a big part of what we do. That’s the brotherhood.

7th Grader: I don’t know. I think I’m past that phase in my life.

Frat Guy: We hang out with girls too, just not during the day. Then we go slay sorostitutes at night.

7th Grader: I guess my biggest problem is I just don’t understand why someone would pay for friends.

Frat Guy: I don’t fucking pay for friends you anti-American douche.

7th Grader: Then what’re you paying for?

Frat Guy: . . .

7th Grader: Well?

Frat Guy: It goes towards, like, keeping the house together and throwing parties and shit. And you better watch your tongue boy. The fraternity will whip you into shape.

7th Grader: Still, I think I’ll just do my own thing. Make friends the old fashioned way

Frat Guy: The old fashioned way? Fraternities have been in existence for billions of years. It is old fashioned!

7th Grader: Billions of years?

Frat Guy: You know what forget it! We don’t even want a fagtard like you. Go fuck your fat mother fag.

7th Grader: We have the same mom.

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