Excerpts From A Gen Ed. Law Class

The end of class, day one.

Professor: (chuckling) And now you’ll know, ladies and gentleman, the next time you get pulled over, and the police officer asks if he can search your car that you can tell him, politely of course, not without probable cause sir, I know my fourth amendment rights.

Student: (excited) Wait, so like, if my friend got pulled over and he’s got like weed in the trunk and sh*t, he can tell the pigs to go to hell?

Professor: Um, well, in a way, yes.

Student: And like what if I was like selling coke and—

Professor: Why don’t you save your question for another time. Have a good weekend everyone.
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Mid-class, day four

Professor: …and according to Lochner v. New York, the right to free contract is implicit in the due process clause of the fourteenth amendment. You see, in early 20th century America—

Student: That’s kinda like the time I got busted for buying E. See I used to work in this pizza place, right? My boss was this older guy, and he’d sell me some stuff sometimes. So, like, we had a contract, right? It was like a verbal contract that I’d buy E from him every week before I went out. But then one day the f*cking cops came in and busted both of us, but we had a contract so uhhhh… They were in violation of our fourteenth amendment rights, right?

Professor: Not quite. You see, the Lochner decision relates more to contracting in the sense of employment conditions, otherwise we could contract for anything and it would be legal under US law. Murder doesn’t become legal if you hire an assassin either.

Student: Hey what if I’m smoking in my room, but, like, I’m just BLASTING this Moe show I downloaded and that hard-*ss RA comes in to tell me to turn down the noise, but then she see’s me tokin’. What happens then?

Professor: This doesn’t have anything to do with what we’re talking about, now please, no more interruptions.

Student: Wait, but what if … Well, I have a housing contract so—

Professor: No more interruptions, moving on.
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Class begins, day eight.

Professor: OK, class, today we’re going to be talking about the Plessy v. Ferguson decision. This was a landmark—

Student: Hey! Teach! What if, like, I got my bong in the window and…
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Day nine

Professor: Alright everyone, you have five minutes. I’ll answer any drug questions you want, but then we’re talking about Brown v. the Board of Education.

Five minutes go by smoothly, as the professor answers a plethora of questions relating to drugs and sex with minors.

Professor: Now that that’s out of your system, let’s talk about Brown v. the Board of Education.

Student: Wait, but what if I’m already dating her, and I’m hitting it like every day, and THEN I turn 18?

Another Student: Yeah, and what about if she’s only 16, but she started it?
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Day 10

Professor: Alright guys, here’s what you do if you get caught with weed …