An Unfortunate Episode of "Pimp My Ride"

Xzibit: Alright, yo, we at Jason’s house, and we’re about to pimp his ride!

(Xzibit rings doorbell; Jason opens door, his shirt covered in blood)

Jason: Oh, thank God you’re here, I—

Xzibit: Whoa man! You alright? You’re covered in blood!

Jason: No, that—that’s ketchup. I was feeding my little brother hot dogs. He’s really messy, heh heh.

Xzibit: Looks like blood.

Jason: No, it’s ketchup, alright?! It’s fine, don’t worry about it, let’s just check out the car.

Xzibit: Alright, man, we’ll look at your car. (They move to the driveway) Your car doesn’t look all that bad…

Jason: Well, trust me, it’s f*cked up, alright? It needs help.

Xzibit: Let’s take a look at the back seat.

Jason: NO NO NO NO! The back seat’s fine. Just look at the steering wheel, that could use some help.

Xzibit: Well, let’s take a look at it anyway—what the hell is that in there?

Jason: It’s powdered sugar, goddammit! Front seat, let’s go!

Xzibit: Are you just gonna leave it in there?

Jason: Yeah—go ahead and throw it away at the shop.

Xzibit: Umm… alright, man, what’s wrong with the front seat?

Jason: The steering wheel’s all f*cked up, take a look. Be sure to grab it real good.

(Police sirens approaching)

Xzibit: I’m not so sure I want to take this car—

Jason: Sh*t, hang on. (Reaches into glove box; pulls out registrations papers and tears them apart on the driveway)

Xzibit: Don’t you want to hang onto those?

Jason: I’m getting them renewed, okay?!

Xzibit: Well, I’m going to check out the trunk.

Jason: DON’T OPEN THE GODDAMN TRUNK! THE TRUNK IS FINE!

Xzibit: Jason, open the trunk!

Jason: Godda—alright, fine! (Pulls a pair of latex gloves out of pocket)

Xzibit: Why are you putting on gloves?

Jason: I’M GERMOPHOBIC!

Xzibit: You’re covered in blood!

Jason: I’m selectively germophobic!

Xzibit: Open the trunk.

(Jason opens the trunk)

Xzibit: What the f*ck! There’s a body in h—

(Jason slams the trunk onto Xzibit’s head; Xzibit falls to the ground, unconscious. Jason runs down the street as police pull up)

Jason: MOTHERF*CKER TRIED TO ROB ME!