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Jeremy Gundel

What Were They Thinking?

by Jeremy Gundel on

Hey there handsome. Somebody sure woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. What’s that ladies? Oh, don’t worry, there is plenty of Mark to go around. I know how you can’t resist a luscious and full head of hair. How do I look today? in a word: incredibly dashing. Mothers, lock up your daughters, because Mark is on the prowl.



It’s true what they say, grey really is slimming. You can hardly even notice the 10 pounds I gained last Thanksgiving. Or the 20 from Christmas. Or even the 12 from Flag Day. This is outfit is just so nice. I love the way it brings out my eyes. Ooh, I can’t wait to see Joel at work today… yesterday he said that I looked great. Sure, I saw him in the break room afterwards pointing at me and laughing with the other guys, but I know he just makes fun of me because he cares.



YES. I can’t believe that I finally found a hair dye to match my sunglasses. BadASS. When a day starts out like this, you knows it’s gonna be good. My soul patch is really coming in too. SICK. I hope that nobody gets upset about having to sit behind me at the movies. That kid from last time was so LAME. Complaining that he couldn’t see the whole time. I wanted to see TMNT just as much as he did. Punk.



Jeez. Mom just doesn’t get what’s cool these days. This ‘do is cutting edge. It makes me look so sophisticated… but you can also tell that I’m up for a good time. The rest of the chess club is going to flip. I hope I still have time to hang out with those guys, considering all the new friends I’m sure to be making. And I don’t think that I could have found a more perfect sweater to wear either. Nana sure is one mean knitter.

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Jeremy Gundel

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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.