A Briefcase: Oh, thanks Uncle Frank. You getting me this briefcase ensures that I’m supposed to work the same 9-5 office job that you’ve worked for that last 25 years while complaining about it and cheating on my wife with my secretary. (Sorry Aunt Jane)
“Planet Earth” on DVD: Am I that hard to shop for? How long did it take you to pick this out at Wal-Mart? Do you think that all I do is get high and watch the Discovery Channel? Well guess what, I DO! F*ck you for stereotyping.
“Planet Earth” on VHS: What the sh*t? There’s like 20 tapes. Get out of my sight Grandma.
Money: What am I supposed to do with this? It’s only four dollars. I hate you, Uncle Rory.
Dick in a Box: Real original. Did your friend Justin Timberlake pick it out? Thanks Steve, you c*nt. What’s the matter? Too afraid to open the box? C’mon faggot!
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If you can't stand the fire alarm, get out of the kitchen. And go on the Internet.
From the director who brought you Wall-Alien.
Hey, you just got here, and this is crazy. But here's some covers, so watch them, maybe.
It's like seeing a whole bunch of twins where one of them is slightly less attractive.
It's like seeing a whole bunch of twins where one of them is slightly less attractive.
Remember when you thought Robot Unicorn Attack was the coolest game? You were an idiot.
Little known literature fact: Dr. Frankenstein was only trying to DRAW a monster that would terrorize villagers.
It's like people on the Internet have never seen a boob before. Come to think of it, many of them haven't.
"I guess these are cool. If you like that kind of thing. Whatever. " - Porsche owner, moments before bursting into tears.
Anyone who DOESN'T want to live in the Hobbit houses is crazier than Denethor.
