Matt Presents...

Two buddies, Jeff and Kyle, converse over beers following a tough intramural softball loss.

Jeff: Damnit, I can’t believe we lost to the SigEps again. Those guys are total douches.

Kyle: Frats are so gay. Who wants to pay for their friends?

Jeff: I really don’t get what is so great about living in a house that reeks of piss and booze with a bunch other dudes. No amount of beer and women would make that worthwhile.

Kyle: Can you imagine their parties? “Hey brah, could you throw me another Natty when you get done screwing that goat?” Frat guys are gay goat f*ckers who pay for their friends.

Jeff: Some frat guys are okay. Did you know Craig from Econ was in a frat?

Kyle: Yeah, but he’s a Teke. They’re cool. They tried to rush me, but I already had all the friends I needed. And I didn’t have to pay for them.

Jeff: Hey, Did you find a place to live next semester?

Kyle: Yeah. Me and some friends from high school found this sweet house south of campus. Five guys under one roof. The parties are going to be legendary.

Jeff: Awesome. Who is living with you?

Kyle: Umm… Vince, Scott, Joe, and Boner.

Jeff: Who is Boner?

Kyle: You know, Tommy from our IM basketball team. He was making out with Carly on our couch one night and pitched a tent. I’ve been calling him Boner ever since. I give out the sickest nicknames.

Jeff: Oh. Isn’t he a SigEp?

Kyle: Yeah, but he’s cool. So, Carly’s pretty hot, isn’t she?

Jeff: I guess so.

Kyle: I did her.

Jeff: You stud. Gotta love independent chicks.

Kyle: To independitutes!

The two clink glasses and finish beers.

Kyle: Hey, let’s get out of here so we can catch the Daily Show.

Jeff: Did you know Jon Stewart was a Pike?

Kyle: Really? What a fag. I’ve always liked Colbert better, anyway.

The waitress brings over the check

Kyle: I just don’t understand why anyone would pay for their friends.

Jeff: Yeah, no shit.

Kyle: Looks at check then in wallet. Hey man, I’m a little short. Can you spot me ten bucks?


Note: The author of this article is both a fraternity alumnus and a fan of Frat Chat. He can also use the word “dichotomy” in a sentence.