Me: What do you want to do tonight, babe?

Her: I don't know. Let's go down to the basement and talk about it.

Me: Why do you always want to go to the basement? It's dark, and wet, and gross.

Her: Ugh, you're so not spontaneous.

We hear shattered glass and heavy breathing.

Me: Did you hear that?

Her: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Me: Nine’s enough.

Her: Quick, turn off the lights!

Me: Turn them off? Why?

Her: That’s what it said to do in the forbidden videotape I watched to calm down after I was in that hit-and-run.

Me: Why don’t we go to Chili’s and – wait, what?

Her: Hey, there's some kind of tunnel over here that leads underground! And a trail of what appears to be red paint… I love art! Let's see where it leads.

Me: Sweetie, please.

Her: It'll be fun. We can recite dark incantations to pass the time. "Non bagno te, bagno il tuo cuore! Che sempre pi