"Make A Statement With Hats!" by Streeter Seidell

Sure, you could spend hours and hours getting to know someone but why waste all that time? Instead, try making snap judgments based on minimal information like what kind of hat someone wears!

Baseball Hat – Hey Brody, you up for grabbing a sixer later? No? That's cool, I'm probably just gonna watch the game with some of my bros from back home. Yeah, they're visiting this weekend. You gotta meet Blake, his dad has, like, more money than God. He owns Nantucket Nectars, you know, the juice. Dude is rich! Oh bro, I almost forgot, did you check out my new tat yet? Yeah, sick, right? Hurt like a bitch but I figure I just like Natty Ice so much so what the hell. Oh man, I gotta peace but lets catch up later and hit O'Neils for the Texas game. You in? Aight, bro, bring some toilet paper cuz we're gonna get shitty!

Floppy Newsboy Hat – Oh hey, what's up? What am I listening to? Just some new shit I downloaded off my friend's podcast. You've never heard of them. No, that's the band's name, "You've Never Heard Of Them." How ironic is that, right? You going to that party later? What, you don't know about it? Oh, nevermind, it's kind of an invite only thing. Some cool bands from around town, doing some real next level stuff. It's probably not your scene anyway. No dude, that's the name of the band, "It's Probably Not Your Scene Anyway."

1992 Six Flag Hat – Excuse me, do you have some change? I'm just trying to get a warm meal.

Fedora – Yo, this party is poppin' off, nigga! Oh, my bad, I didn't mean to drop an n-bomb on all y'all, but that's how I talk 'round all my black friends so shit slips out from time to time. No matter though, yo, who's buyin' the Crys tonight?! Dawg, I'm gonna tip back a bottle of Crys, dance wit some honeys to that new K-Fed jam and prolly wind up all in some ho. Then maybe I'll jump in my Jetta and cruise to my pop's spot up in Greenwich, CT dawg. Y'all don't even know bout the shit we get up to in G-Town! Shit, just another day in the life, nah mean?

Beer Helmet – WOOOOOOOOO!!! Who's drinking beers?! I'll tell you who, THIS GUY! I'm drinking two at a time, mu-tha-fu-kah! Yo, someone hold my feet, I'm gonna do the world's first beer helmet stand! Hell yeah, THIS DUDE knows how to party! Shit yeah I'm pointing at myself when I say things like that! COLLEGE! And after that's done I'm going to work for my dad's septic tank managment company. Who's with me?! Anyone? Anyone…anyone? God, I want attention…</div

Nazi Helmet – Whoa, did I pick the wrong hat to wear out tonight or what?

Mesh Trucker Hat – Hey guys, check this awesome new hat. I have a feeling it might catch on, like as trend, ya know? Sure, trucker hats used to be for greasy southerners who drove big rigs all night but I think there's something to these half mesh, half foam beauties. They're just waiting to shine and I'm the dude who's gonna put on the polish. Yup, someday soon everybody is gonna be wearing these. What's that? Punk'd? No, I've never heard of it. In 2001? No, I went to high school abroad, why? Did I miss something?

Knit Cap – Brah, is it almost time to hit the slopes? I got a new Burton fro Christmas last year and I've been dying to drive up to the mountains and shred up a nice pipe. I hear Killington's pipe got some tight lines, right? That's why I'm always rocking this knit beanie, bro, just in case I get in the shredding mood. Yeah brah, I just toss my board in the jeep, grab a pack or two of American Spirits and cruise on up to my uncle's cabin at Sugarbush. What's that? Have I ever boarded before? Well, no, not really, but dude, I've got all the clothes and a sick board so I'm definitely gonna be good. Right?

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