A dialogue between a man and his flaccid penis

Penis-

Man- Seriously dude. Snap out of it. We had like seven drinks man, stop acting like such a pussy and get up. She’s just using the bathroom, she’ll be back in like two minutes. Stop messing around.

Penis-

Man- Is this about Wendy? I already apologized about Wendy. If I had known then what we know now, I wouldn’t have sent you in there without backup. You know that man. I would never put you in harms way on purpose. And I took care of it didn’t I? Didn’t I take care of it?

Penis-

Man- (Raises voice) I put my reputation on the line for you and this is how you fucking repay me. By choking when I need you the most. You were running goddamn laps yesterday while Home Improvement was on for Christ sakes and now you’re doing this to me? I swear to God I’ll…

Penis-

Man- Alright, I’m sorry. I was out of line there. Just please baby. Come one, just like we practiced.

Penis-

Man- Oh god, I hear her coming man, please pull it together. Give me five good minutes…four good minutes…two minutes?

(Sarah emerges from the bathroom and lays down on the bed. However, she leaves shortly after it becomes clear that Penis won’t be cooperative. When she returns home she and her friends make fun of Man relentlessly.)

Man- I wasn’t going to wear a condom anyway.

Penis-

Tune in next week for “Dialogue between man and his erect penis during weigh-ins at wrestling tournament.”