I saw this thing my friend posted earlier today written by a college girl about the types of guys you meet in a university. It was fairly accurate, and it was something that I have wanted to write myself for a long time. About chicks no dudes. Anyway, here is my best shot.
And if you find yourself saying 'He just doesn't understand' and are offended, then I'd say I've hit the nail right on the head.
The Already Dating Someone Chick- you'll notice this one early on. You know why? Because she will actually talk to you, and be nice to you, and laugh at your stupid attempt at flirting. And you'll start to think that this chick is really cool, until you find out she has a boyfriend, a long term one at that. And you'll either find out by facebook or myspace, or if you aren't a loser by just asking her. And this guy will actually be a nice guy, and that makes it harder for you to hate him. Then you all become friends, you are the third wheel, and next summer you're his best man at the wedding.
The White Trash/Ghetto Chick- This one isn't exactly enrolled at your college. She will have some ridiculous accent and talk out of her ass about a bunch of shit she doesn't really know anything about. And she will tell you some long drawn out story about how 4 major life trajedies all kept her from being in college, which she says is a scam anyway, and that working at the gas station gives her "Life Experience". She'll be over dramatic about everything, and you're more than likely going to fuck her at that off campus party at the guy's house you barely know, but hey she seems to be enjoying herself doing keg stands in that skirt so where is the problem right?
The Religious Chick- This one will make her presence known in some form of a class discussion where she will inevitably bring up her relationship with God and how she is saving herself and how George Bush is competent blah blah blah. And to be fair if she cut her hair, put on some make up, and chopped the jean skirt into a mini skirt, she'd be a hottie. But she is too busy looking down on you and your friends from her Moral High Ground because you pissed in the hallway in front of her dorm room. And you wonder if she just loosened up a little and drank once if she'd enjoy herself, but its too late to ask her because she's off to an anti abortion rally.
The Female Athlete- This one is tricky. Because female athletes are the buffalo of the animal kingdom. See they all move in packs, eventually breaking off to no less than three. And they all date the same guys who are all friends with each other, and they all hate everyone they play with, except their really good friends. Unless those chicks aren't around, then they talk shit on them too. And they will jump from one group of guys to the next, one week its baseball players, the next week soccer. But they can't stand the soccer guys because they smell like onions and the baseball guys are just a bunch of drunks who "hit them because they love them". And they will always, always, always deny that they have sex. Even though they are fucking everyone.
The Lesbian- If you've got a penis, this chick hates you. She hates you worse than that freshman who actually believed you when you told him it was impossible to do sit ups with his eyes closed. She will more than likely be on the softball team, and can probably out bench you. She hates you for various reasons, running from you're dating her roomate who she wants to grind with, to the fact that your hair just looks better than hers with spikes. She hates you because you are a man and you are what is wrong with the world. Alas, she is just like the rest of us pussy chasers out there, she hates you because you are competition in the Vagina Olympics. That and you can piss standing up.
The Hippie Chick- She will wear alot of loose clothing, have hemp bracelets, and at least 4 pictures of Bob Marley on her room wall. You'll catch her attention because you'll be listening to some weird indie rock shit that your friend let you download on you ipod, and before you could turn it off she heard it and started talking to you. And she is kind of cute, and apparently today was her day to shower, so you talk to her. One thing leads to another, and a couple days later you are about to sleep with her. Hippie Chicks have low morals. And you pull her panties down and it hits you. Thats right my friend, Hippie Chick has a 70's Porno Bush.
The Old Woman- This lady is pushing 50, along with a backpack with wheels on it. She ruins your classes because she is old and asks alot of questions. And in your group work she slows everyone down, and doesn't do her part of the project because her kids had a soccer tournament. Worst off all she tells stories about her kids that you don't care about. You're 22, shes 45. There is nothing to talk about. But one day you're sitting behind her in class and she leans up and you see a Tramp Stamp on her lower back and the top of what looks like a Victoria's Secret thong. And you say to yourself, 'You know they say 45 is the new 30'.
The Party Girl- This one is your friend. She has a small clique of 4 to 6 girlfriends whose one purpose on this Earth is to do one thing. Party. They can't spend a Friday or Saturday night at home without feeling like they are missing the greatest party ever. The drink alot, dance alot, and have dumb assholes buy them drinks. None of them have boyfriends, and when they do, the boyfriends don't last long. That is because the boy would get in the way of the girls and drinking. And if you're lucky, and you hang out with them enough, they start to call you to come hang out with them. Not for the fact that they like you in that way, but they love the attention. And you go because, well frankly if they get liquored up enough, one of them always flashes her boobs.