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Susanna Wolff

A Poem for Shel

by Susanna Wolff on


You really should not have included a photo;
You look even worse than Hernando Desoto.
Your beard and your eyes, your ‘stache and your balding,
You may not have heard, but they’re all so appalling.
It’s a wonder, I swear, you became a rich poet
Though you looked in the mirror and said, “Yes, I’ll show it.”
By “it” I, of course, mean that grizzly-ass face,
Which would make any woman go run for her mace.
Your eyes do not twinkle. They’re just dark and insane.
How could you have thought you would rocket to fame?
But you did, Mr. Silverstein; somehow you did
Though your picture should surely have frightened a kid.
You look like a pervert, a creep, and a sleaze,
But nevertheless, kids and parents say, “Please,
May I have a new copy of A Light in the Attic?”
Even though you sure look like a dingy crack addict.
You’re really not pretty. You don’t even look kind,
But all of those fans just seem not to mind.
I guess that your rhymes are too good to deny,
So Shel, what I’m saying is you’re a swell guy.

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Susanna Wolff

Susanna Wolff

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Admiral D!ck

I use to work at a Military Rec. Center in the boat rental. The rules were easy 1.first come first serve, 2.rank does not matter, 3.and have a military id, will travel; they could rent boats and go fishing or partying. 6 months prior to graduating boot camp a group of marines reserved the "party barge" (BIG a$$ pontoon) this also happened to be Memorial Weekend.... Read More » Soo, the fresh little newbie's have loaded up the party barge with beer and what not and this Navy Admiral walks up without reservations and orders them to "Disembark and relinquish" the boat. All the new marines snap to attention and start unloading. The admiral than orders them to leave there fishing equipment and beer to save him time and expense. Seeing this I walk up and inform the Admiral "no reservations, no boat, your sol." Admiral orders to see my boss (I am the boss) and say "go to the big white house in DC and file your complaint there" Admiral "What's your name and rank! I'll have you marshaled!" Me "my name is ___" having no rank because I'm a civilian I stick my butt out and while pointing to my posterior "my rank is kiss this." Mr. Admiral d!ck wad storms off mumbling something about MPs and I help the marines out of the dock and with them a happy party. I do so love p!ssing of military officers.