I hate having irritable bowel syndrome. Here’s my day for you.
Me: I think I’ll turn on some music.
Bowel: Don’t put on any of those emo bands. You know I hate that crap.
Me: I thought you liked crap.
Bowel: And I’ve just about had it with your stupid crap jokes.
Me: I’m going to go exercise now.
Bowel: The hell you are. I’m fed up with all that bouncing and sweating.
Me: It’s good for us.
Bowel: There is no us.
My Date: Wow, what a nice place you have.
Bowel: Tell that dweeb his hair looks like a turd.
Me: It does not look like a turd.
My Date: I’m sorry, what?
Me: I was talking to my bowel.
My Date: Maybe I should leave.
+
-
Cool Pranks for Cats
Sexual History CarFax
20 Phrases You Hear During Graduation, and What They Really Mean
25 Phrases You'll Hear When You Go Out, and What They Really Mean
Choose Your Own Adventure: Office Edition
Instagram Filters for Facebook
If you can't stand the fire alarm, get out of the kitchen. And go on the Internet.
From the director who brought you Wall-Alien.
Hey, you just got here, and this is crazy. But here's some covers, so watch them, maybe.
It's like seeing a whole bunch of twins where one of them is slightly less attractive.
It's like seeing a whole bunch of twins where one of them is slightly less attractive.
Remember when you thought Robot Unicorn Attack was the coolest game? You were an idiot.
Little known literature fact: Dr. Frankenstein was only trying to DRAW a monster that would terrorize villagers.
It's like people on the Internet have never seen a boob before. Come to think of it, many of them haven't.
"I guess these are cool. If you like that kind of thing. Whatever. " - Porsche owner, moments before bursting into tears.
Anyone who DOESN'T want to live in the Hobbit houses is crazier than Denethor.
