A Few Fun Techniques to Prove Your Significant Other is Cheating on You

We’ve all heard the stories, the lies and a few of us have been ego fucked by Chris Hansen on “To Catch a Predator” We all know the heartbreak and occasional physical injuries incurred when discovering a cheating girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/favorite-donkey-show-artist. But how do we catch our illusive and nymphos and satyrs without hiringexpensivecamera crews and overly scripted PIs? Well kids, here are a few simple techniques to craftily ensnare the unfaithful.

For Men
Ink Mate: Remember the threats made by pissed off RAs that whoever pulled the next fire alarm would be marked by ink flow from the handle? The same device applies to your girlfriend’s vag. Simply insert the mechanism near her “Go button” and the next time she spreads for someone else, well, Doc Oc would be proud.

The Viper: Calm down, this is not nearly as painful as it sounds. It basically works just like the renowned car alarm. Program in your captain’s key signature and the next time someone else unlocks her door, her legs will vie for the Guinness Book of Record’s “Loudest Cooch” placement.

The Chinese Penis Trap: Recently discovered by a lost National Geographic team in ancient San Francisco, the CPT does exactly what one wants. Insert into your woman’s love tunnel and watch the mayhem begin. She might be able to explain the girl’s night out, but hatching a whimsical explanation for why she suddenly sprouted a Siamese twin from her nethers? I think not. It is utterly important to first master the CPT before application. Diagrams included, batteries not.

For Ladies

Shock Treatment:Simple and to the point. Install this trusty device to his hump muscle and upon exiting a ten foot radius, the juice flows.Any attempt to “get jiggy with it” and the Wang Buzz 9000 delivers a hefty 20kV, 1.8mAmp lightning strike to the offenders’ uglies.Sleek and stylish, he thinks it’s snazzy schlong bling, you know it’s along the lines of Earnest Bows before You.Batteries not included, takes 4 double As, suppository battery pack recommended.

The Green Goblin: Slip these affordable pills into his daily regimen, or into his drink like the old days, and watch as he spreads brightly fluorescing spunk around the neighborhood.On-the-side partners will quickly freak out and comment on your boyfriend’s new found abilities and he will quickly become the talk of the town.Caution, not FDA approved, side effects include, nausea, loss of balance, frequent explanations of ability to drive, the urge to hump everything in sight, and a condition known as “Fish Eyes.”

The Whimper Chip:Perhaps the cruelest product on the line, the whimper chip fits snuggly at the base of the neck and drives wandering partners into a fit of pitiful sobs and overwhelming feelings of depression and insecurity. It’s guaranteed to immediately turn off all women within a 20 ft radius, ensuring your man’s faithfulness.

Call now and find out what your partner’s up to at the wee hours of the morning. If you don’t trust him/her, just remember the number on your screen and drop us a line at 1-800-662-4328, that’s 1-800-NO-CHEAT. Operators from India, all the way to Jersey the are on the line 24/7 waiting to confuse the hell out of you and connect you with the resources you need. Because who wants late-night to know your partner’s getting their dips stuck in someone else’s sugar?