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A List of Things Paris Hilton Should vs. Will Do, Now That She's Out of Jail

by Jon Mitzel on

In the wee hours of June 26, Paris Hilton emerged victorious from her stressfull, life-or-death, “you better kill someone on the first day, or you’ll become someone’s bitch” stay at Lynword all-women’s jail. Upon walking out of her cell, she was greeting by hundreds of cameras.


And Guess what! She looks more attractive leaving prison than she does when she out at the clubs, having dirty drunken hallucinogenic sex with complete strangers. Who woulda thunk it? How long will her newfound sobriety last?


Here is my projection of action that Paris Should vs. Will do.

















Stay out of the public eye

Do a full-length interview with Larry King.

Stay out of the party scene for a while Have an elaborate “I got out of jail free party.”
Make sure that everyone know you’re not crazy Sketch some weird ass picture.
Let everyone know that your not a slut now Talk in really slutty French.
Don’t do anything that could come off ambiguous or as a sexual innendo

Suck on a nice, warm, hard, wet, throbbing, succulent,Taco Bell Burito.

Become a reborn virgin

 Probably make another porn movie (I’m not giving you a link. Just search for “Paris Hilton XXX” on Limewire and download the largest file that you can find… Watch the video… Then throw up.)

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