A Concerned Letter From Google to Timmy

Dear Timmy,

I understand that you’re growing up very fast. The changes that you’re going through are normal. But recently, some of your searches have me a little worried.

First of all, what do you want to know about Grand Theft Auto IV? That’s a mature rated game! What’s wrong with “Disney and Pixar Present: Ratatouille: The Movie: The Video Game?” It’s family fun for all ages. GTA is full of murder, prostitution, and… never mind. Just never mind. I shouldn’t even be talking about these things.

Your most recent search is highly upsetting as well. “Average penis size?” I know that you’re going through some changes right now, I really do. But everybody grows at a different rate. There’s no need to rush it! People should like you for you. And I for one like you just the way you are.

I noticed that you took off my safe-search feature. Safe-search is a very important feature. Timmy, what were you thinking? It ensures that when you search for hot chicks, you get the warm, newborn fowl that you’re looking for.

What is this? Girl on girl? Girl on girl what? I don’t think you really mean that. How about some SpongeBob clips? You still like SpongeBob, right?

sigh It’s spelled vagina.

Your Friend,
Google