Teddy Roosevelt's Final Adventure

So I was chillin and maxing with my homies the Ruff Riders, when Biggie G dropped the most insane idea. We’d been smoking ass loads of opium from our brothas, the T-Urban Gang, and cruised over the Earf globe in my Pimp Chambers. That’s when it hit.

“Hey man, let’s go get us some ho’s”, Biggie mumbled from inside my favorite bear suit.

I was so blazed I couldn’t count the number of squares on the waffles stuck to my jeans but I remembered some ancient fart telling me of an island in the where ho’s of a different color stayed. I said cool and we packed our shit and hopped on the yacht and cruised. I don’t remember much of the trip, but I do remember Biggie scrappin with one of the porters, Tioopach or something. Anywayz, they both kickin it with da big man upstairs, and we pour one for da hommies before we get crunk.

Anyway, we get to this island, jump on my S-class steed with the 24 inch chrome spurs and ghost ride it up to camp. By now I’ve sobered up because I need all of the burnt out senses I can muster. On the way out, we encountered natives.Oddly enough, there was not a single female among them. However, upon noticing to their crushed pelvises and shriveled, overworked junk, I quickly realized the men and I were in for quite the rewarding and painful trip.We armed our tranq guns and started the hunt for the famed Nymphosaurus Brex.

A few pages are torn and stained with a now yellowish fluid.

It’s been three weeks now, and to be honest I’m frightened. Of the fifty I came with we number now in the teens. Manuel was the first to go; they must have snatched him in the valley clearing. I fear they hunt us in packs and exhibit traits of seeming intelligence.They’ve learned our military strategies and have adapted to guerilla sexfare.These are not the ho’s I first imagined.They are certainly of a different lineage.

More pages torn and worn.A few bear imprints of sweaty skin, teeth, and something that resembles the outline of an areola.The words are now mostly scribbles with a few intelligible phrases visible.

….they’ve capt………………relentless nibbling, scratching and grind………….don’t know how much longer I…………..I seem to have some kind of importance here…………They’ve taken me to what seems to be their queen………………still hear the screams of…………..Manuel is Alive!!!………..queen has taught me new…………..Is it supposed to stay up this long?………………..not pleased……….we found Manuel…………by some incredible amount of weight……….my god, they want us to bend over……

On the last written page, among blood and yellow two words can be seen, but just barely

Sa…..f…eW….ord?