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Neil Padover

Awkward Moments in History: Socrates Gets Called Out

by Neil Padover on

Student 1: So this guy’s really good?
Student 2: Yeah, man he challenges everything you think about the world. Makes you realize how everything is so finite and how reality is just so arbitrary.
Student 1: Righteous man.
Student 2: Oh, here he is now.
Socrates walks over to the students.
Socrates: Oh hey, what’s up fellas?
Student 2: Nothing much Socco. Hey, I was just telling my buddy about all your wisdom. Can you enlighten us?
Socrates: Oh, I don’t know.
Student: Come on! (to his friend) Ask him anything. He’s a genius!
Student 1: Uh…ok. Um…does the sun revolve around the earth or what?
Socrates: Do you think the sun revolves around the earth?
Student 1: I mean, to be honest I’ve been doing a lot of work discrediting the geocentric theory over the past few years. Frankly, I think it’s rather unfounded and fairly egotistical to think we are the center of the universe. I posit the much disputed theory that the earth actually revolves around the sun.
Socrates: Excellent work my son.
Student 2: See, I told you! Isn’t he a genius?
Student 1: Yeah, I guess.
Student 2: Go ahead, ask him something else.
Student 1: Uh…alright. Hey Socrates.
Socrates:Yes, my son?
Student 1: What’s the meaning of life?
Socrates: What do you think the meaning of life is?
Student 1: To be honest, I’m not really sure. I think life is about the complicated interconnectedness of nature and how we’re all just vessels rentingland from the earth.
Socrates: Deep, man.
Student 2: Howsmart is Socrates man?
Student 1: I don’t really…
Socrates: It’s OK, my son. One day you will possess mywisdom.
Student 1: Uh…dude you just keep asking me the same questions I ask you.
Socrates:Of course. That’s my method. The Socratic method.
Student 1:Yeah, you’re an asshole.
Socrates: Am I an asshole?
Student 1: You’re like the Carlos Mencia of ancient Greek philosophers.
Socrates: Who’s Carlos Mencia?
Student 1: OK seriously. Stop.
The student punches Socrates in the gut and walks away.
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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.