Man on Street: Wow, a unicorn! This is the most magical day ever!
Unicorn: Give me all of your money.

---

Husband: Honey, what is that? Oh my God, is that a unicorn? That's unbelievable! We're going to be rich!
Wife: I'm leaving you.
Husband: What? Why?
Wife: There's somebody else.

---

Man: I'm innocent! Innocent, I tell you! I was at home the entire time! I would never murder anyone! It's that damn unicorn! That damn unicorn framed me!
Cop: Right, sir. A unicorn. Sure. Looks like it's Capital Punishment for you.
Cop #2: Nice.

---

Counselor: Everybody pick a pony for the pony ride.
Camper: I want to ride the unicorn!
Counselor: Nobody rides the unicorn.
Camper: Why not?
Counselor: He's very violent.
Camper: He doesn't look very violent.
Counselor: If you ride him, you will die.
Camper: But—
Counselor: He will kill you.

---

Boss: I'm sorry, Carl, but we've decided to give the promotion to someone else.
Carl: Is it the unicorn? It's the unicorn, isn't it?
Boss: Well, maybe. Yes. Yes, it's the unicorn. I don't know why I said maybe.
Carl: He's using his magic to control your mind. Can't you see that? He can't even use a computer.
Boss: We're an equal-opportunity employer.
Carl: I think he's trying to get rid of me.
Boss: Don't be ridiculous. You're fired.
Carl: …
Boss: Carl, wait!
Carl: Yes?
Boss: Bring up some oats before you go.