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A Conversation Between A Tongue and A Penis

Penis: Hey, tongue.

Tongue: What’s up, dick?

Penis: Shakes head. Do you have a minute?

Tongue: That’s all you ever need.

Penis: Okay, enough. We need to talk. Your arrogance has gotten out of control. It’s embarrassing.

Tongue:
Cue the Gin Blossoms?

Penis: Excuse me?

Tongue: Heyyyy Jealousy.

Penis:
You think I’m jealous of you? Hardly. Everyone knows that I’m the headliner, and you are merely the opening act. Your job is to loosen the the crowd up for the real show.

Tongue: I’ve always thought of us more as starter/closer. I get us a good lead, and you just come in and get the final three outs.

Penis:
Well, if we could get a few more quality starts out of you, our bullpen wouldn’t be so taxed.

Fingers:
We prefer the term “middle relief.”

Tongue:
I think we have taken my analogy a little too far. You just wish you looked as good as I do.

Penis: At least I don’t pop out every time a camera flash goes off.

Tongue: You have to admit, that is one damn good picture. The chicks dig it, anyway.

Penis:
You have gotten more run out of that one picture… I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. You’re not even that long!

Fingers:
Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black.

Penis: Assholes!

Tongue:
They prefer me, too.

Penis: Who?

Tongue: Assholes.

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It better have been a LOT of gum.

I was babysitting one night for a family that lives down the street from me. I had already explained several times to them that I wasn't comfortable babysitting for them because they had four kids who were very difficult to control. That night they were desperate and they promised that their children would behave, so I agreed to babysit. That night not only were the four... Read More » kids completely insain, but they had six friends over. I was stuck babysitting for seven hours but I managed to keep everything under control. When the parents got home they tried to pay me with gum.

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