A Conversation Between A Tongue and A Penis

Penis: Hey, tongue.

Tongue: What’s up, dick?

Penis: Shakes head. Do you have a minute?

Tongue: That’s all you ever need.

Penis: Okay, enough. We need to talk. Your arrogance has gotten out of control. It’s embarrassing.

Tongue: Cue the Gin Blossoms?

Penis: Excuse me?

Tongue: Heyyyy Jealousy.

Penis: You think I’m jealous of you? Hardly. Everyone knows that I’m the headliner, and you are merely the opening act. Your job is to loosen the the crowd up for the real show.

Tongue: I’ve always thought of us more as starter/closer. I get us a good lead, and you just come in and get the final three outs.

Penis: Well, if we could get a few more quality starts out of you, our bullpen wouldn’t be so taxed.

Fingers: We prefer the term “middle relief.”

Tongue: I think we have taken my analogy a little too far. You just wish you looked as good as I do.

Penis: At least I don’t pop out every time a camera flash goes off.

Tongue: You have to admit, that is one damn good picture. The chicks dig it, anyway.

Penis: You have gotten more run out of that one picture… I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. You’re not even that long!

Fingers: Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black.

Penis: Assholes!

Tongue: They prefer me, too.

Penis: Who?

Tongue: Assholes.