Staff Picks

My Stream of Consciousness While Getting 100% in Guitar Hero

by Cody S. on July 6, 2007

Woah. WOAH. I’m halfway through “War Pigs.” I haven’t missed a single note. This is … woah sh*t, concentrate Cody. This is no time to get distracted. This is so awesome! Is anyone home? F*ck, Shane is at work. I wish he were here to see this.

Red-Red Yellow-Yellow Red-Red Green-Green Red-Reddddddddddddddd. Yes.

Oh man, I knew I should have told Shane not to go to work today. I mean, it’s one thing to be at the stadium when a pitcher pitches a perfect game, but it’s not going to be exciting when he reads about this in my guitar hero blog. Whatever, I’m gonna have five golden stars saved on my memory card forever. I rule.

FUCK this song is long. It’s gotta be like, six minutes. That means I got two minutes left. Piece of cake. I could strum for another hour if I had to. No big deal. This is way better than when I got 100% on “Tattooed Love Boys.” That song’s only like two minutes. Stupid. My little brother got 100% on that.

And what’s up with the chick singer? She’s only in on “Crazy on You.” She really follows the band around from the battle of the bands to Stonehenge to sing two songs? Hey, maybe that song “Jessica” is about her. It doesn’t have any words, but, like, the emotion. One of the programmers at Harmonix must be, like, in love with her. It’s like when I wrote that song for Linda that was like, “GREEN blue yellow-blue orange GREEN.” I’m so deep. I can’t believe she left me

Sh*t sh*t sh*t, almost f*cked up. I’m good though.

Red-Red-Red-Red.

Ha, four red notes in a row, you can’t fool me. I’m calm and collected. Damn, the lead singer looks like someone. Demitri Martin? No, no, no. Ashton Kutcher! Yeah, Ashton Kutcher! Why the hell is Ashton Kutcher the lead singer of a rock band? Jessica rocks harder then Ashton Kutcher. There’s no way Ashton Kutcher could sing “Killing in the Name,” his wussy dick would fall apart from how hard it rocks. If Jessica gets to sing the chick songs, a black dude should do “Killing in the Name”. Totally.

Man, how f*cking long is this song? Who was the lead singer of Black Sabbath? I think it was Rob Zombie. Why the f*ck does Rob Zombie write such long songs? Especially songs that are so guitar-heavy. My star power is ready… but do I really want to risk missing these notes when I tilt my guitar? No, it’s not about getting a flashy score, its about… the song’s almost done! Concentrate really hard Cody I NAILED IT! SHOW ME THE NEWSPAPER! SHOW ME THE NEWSPAPER!