The Legend of the Hershey Highway

It seems that in the great state of Pennsylvania, the need arose one year for a great freeway to be built, stretching from New York City all the way through Philadelphia, but famously passing through the town of Hershey, and it seems that on a day of extraordinarily high traffic on this road, a reporter in a helicopter was heard to remark, “There’s a lot of blockage on the Hershey Highway today!”

It seems that in this same town of Hershey there was a secondary school. And it seems that this secondary school had a problem with bullies. And it seems that one day one of these brutes, who called himself Butch, demanded the lunch money of a boy named Thomas Rockwell. Now, it seems that young Tommy had plans for his dollar-fifty and bravely refused the hulking upperclassman. Enraged, Butch presented Tommy with an ultimatum: “We can do this the easy way or the Hershey High way.”

It seems that this same secondary school had quite a proficient wrestling team as well. And it seems that during a particularly heated match, Richard Jones, the team captain, found himself in great danger of being pinned by the opposing team captain. In support of their hero, it seems the crowd rose up and began to chant: “Get him up the Hershey High way, Dick!”

It seems that nearby this secondary school there was a dairy farm of considerable size. So large it was, that it seems that even its byproducts were separated into low and high quality grades. Why all it took was one bite for one to be able to exclaim, “Someone cut the cheese with the Hershey high whey!”

It seems that there was a girl named Julia Madison who never graduated from Hershey High School. Oh, she did well enough on exams and had plenty of friends – most of them Asian girls – but it seems this girl had dreams of the spotlight and so she up and left for California without even knowing the touch of a man. Now it seems that Julie never did become an actress but she did meet a nice man named Taylor and began an extended relationship. Feelings of homesickness began to tamper with Julie and Taylor’s sex life it seems and this all came to a head one morning when Julie said while simultaneously recognizing an old friend from high school, “I’ve always wanted to do it in Hershey—Hi Wei!”

OK… it seems I’ve stretched the Hershey Highway a bit too far…