-Age-old adage "Everyone else is doing it"

-I really want guys to "on accident" immediately conclude that I am sexy

-I really like the surprise-"oops" conversation starter (really helpful during my sober hours- since I have nothing else really to say to anyone)

-Fat 50-something blonde computer programmers really dig it

-It's in another language I'll never speak… actually, characters can't be languages, they're characters

-Allows me to connect with my heritage since I'm American- it would become problematic if I did indeed come into contact with persons of actual heritage- apparently women can't do much in said place- oh well… good thing I'm American

-Gives me something to talk about with girls since there's, again, not much else

-My dad loves it

-My grandma really loves it

-I love how versatile it is- since, you know, black goes with everything

-Crap, then I realized how I actually didn't want college guys to like it or me knowing now that I want to become a nun- God's my main dude

-Once I(Mom) have little "angels" running around (from my dude- á la the madre of Garp-style) Mom'll be fun since we can play hide and seek with mom's fat rolls (and she can just sit there reading Oprah magazine-I bet Oprah has a tattoo on her lower back too in Ebonics- I wonder if Ebonics should be capitalized)

Thank dude I wasn't impressionable and got "Dream" between my love-handles in Chinese is all I have to say…