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Jeff Rubin

50 Things You Can Call A Beer

by Jeff Rubin on

Pass me a…

beer, draft, cold one, libation, brewskie, oat soda, cerveza, barley pop, puke fuel, boredom-be-gone, loudmouth soup, real man’s Zima, Homer Juice, keg guts, beeeeeer!, pre-pee, weed’s best friend, rocketsauce, mother, varsity Shirley Temple, time travel in a bottle, suds, soldier, Gutterade, barley legal, bitter batter, liquid bread, silly seltzer, brew dog, giggle water, liquid courage, pre-spiked punch, bubbly muscles, hard O’Douls, social lubricant, icanbeatithome, secret ingredient X, tummy buster, brain hammer, elbow benders, daddy’s milk, redneck wine, 12 oz. curl, antidote, hello-goodbye, potent potable, chugger’s delight, liquid wrecking ball, hops scotch, un-water.

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Jeff Rubin

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I Fought the Law Run-ins with the cops See All »
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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.