Dear Guy that Wears Hospital Scrubs to the Gym,

We get it, you're a doctor. Is the dating scene seriously that bad over in the E.R. that you have to come to my college and try to impress nineteen year old girls with your nonverbal cues that you "were in surgery" today?

Seriously though, there's no hotties your age working at the hospital? I've seen Grey's Anatomy. Everybody's boning everyone over there. No? Not like that where you work?

Oh yeah, by the way, you got blood on the elliptical and didn't wipe it down. And we know it was you Dr. "My-time-is-so-precious-that-I-don't-have-five-minutes- to-go-to-the-locker-room-and-change-owitz."

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One more thing: Why didn't you give that girl who collapsed on the treadmill CPR this afternoon?

Wait, you're not even a real doctor, are you? Did you even go here? OK, seriously, you have to leave. No, the girl behind the desk does not want your phone number. Just go.

Love,
Neil