COLLEGE v. HOME

Oh college is the best 4-8 years of your life. But, there’s a downside (and not the syphilis you picked up last weekend) It’s not home, and I have compiled in my TI-83 calculator the differences.

HOME: Everyone knows you and loves you.

COLLEGE: You know five kids in your dorm, and they all hate you.
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HOME: You can’t blast your music.

COLLEGE: You blast your music even though your neighbor has a bio midterm the next morning.
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HOME: Your own room to jack off in.

COLLEGE: Roommate who you catch jacking off at least 3 times a week.
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HOME: You can’t get laid in your house. Mom cockblocks.

COLLEGE: You can fuck anywhere, including your roommate’s futon.
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HOME: Home Cooked Meals

COLLEGE: Greasy, gross, fatty school food that will give you heart disease in ten years.
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HOME: Grandparents you hate and only you have pretend to like because you want beer money when they die.

COLLEGE: Who needs a will when you have your roommate’s wallet! _____________
HOME: Old friends who think you’re “cool”

COLLEGE: Your not cool. No one believes you.
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HOME: No Parties.

COLLEGE: Parties every night with hott girls who you trick into having sex with you.
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HOME: Mom loves laundry.

COLLEGE: Pay machines that don’t dry your clothes, lose your socks, and shrink your ironic but not funny shirt.
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HOME: Curfew at midnight you had when you were 3 years younger.

COLLEGE: No curfew! Which means no curfew for your roommate. So keep that fucker up.
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HOME: Compliments from your mom about how your acne has cleared up.
COLLEGE: The nicest thing one of your friends has said about you was how you would be popular… in prison. And not in the good way.
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HOME: Getting your ass kicked by your dad once he looks up your grades online.
COLLEGE: Kicking your roommates ass because he lost your XBOX controler. Even though its right behind you.
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HOME:
Waking up WITHOUT the following:
-Vomit on your shirt/hair/genitals
-A fat chick next to you.
-Wallet, cell phone, keys

COLLEGE:
Waking up WITH the following:
-Massive headache
-No bed, no blanket, no pillow
-Syphilis
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HOME: Lying. (To your parents about your GPA which is lower than your blood- alcohol-level. And about the “lost” camera you borrowed from your dad and sold for a bottle of Grey Goose.)

COLLEGE: Lying. (To everyone about how many beers you drank. (4 not 15) How many people were at the party (20 not 200) and how many girls you’ve boned this semester (0 not 15)
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